Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. Proverbs 3:5-7.
Suddenly sprung into being a single parent, while pregnant and due with another sweet son in just 4 weeks, my heart and head can't help but ponder how I got to where I am. In this rare quiet moment to myself, I embrace time with the Lord.
What do you do when you watch your husband slowly drift away, while your heart is desperate for love, for attention, for security? How can any conversation with a young child be enough to fill the hole that is gaping in their heart with so many changes? How can a mother sleep at night wondering how everything is going to turn out?
Trust me. The Lord constantly whispers. I feel anxiety from taking control of my thoughts and over thinking what is HIS. He owns my life, I am his. He never said that the world was consistent, but He declares that his faithfulness endures FOREVER. He never promises a fairy tale life, but he promises a future with him to those that believe. He never guarantees that it will be easy, but he reminds me that he is there EVERY step of the way. Security is in the Lord, not in anything or anyone else. From displacing my security in the world to relocating it with our Father in heaven, comes peace, security and abundant life. I'm amazed that there is peace in circumstances such as my own. Only God can do that.
I'm reminded of the story of Peter who walked on water. (Matthew 14:22-33)
The wind and the waves seemed domineering. Peter looks up and sees Jesus walking on the water. Afraid, he says to Jesus, “Lord, if it’s you,” .... “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said,“why did you doubt?”
This story speaks to me on so many levels. I'm reminded that sometimes in life, situations are not always beautiful. The wind rocks the boat and the waves crash against the secure sides.
How many times have I focused on the situation at hand and felt myself start to sink? With anxiety riding up like a heavy rain, my heart sinks and starts to lose faith. But Jesus is there to catch my hand; all I have to do is reach out and grab it.
When the storms of life come crashing down and everything that I care about is threatened, God reminds me that if I focus on Him, HE WILL DIRECT MY PATH. He is faithful and his love notes are everywhere. I cry out to the Lord, please bless my baby and my preschooler's heart. Be their father and their security. No sooner do I cry out, but I'm reminded that HE has a purpose and a plan for their life and will always take them in. Nice to know that the same goes for me too.
You are strong, I hear. But what I know is this: Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength."