Woman! We can be so complicated. My thoughts wonder way farther from reality than they should at times! (Ok, a lot of times.) Sometimes it can be a really good thing. I get projects done, I get a great idea and go with it. But, I’m distracted by stress. My thoughts have been so intense that I find myself stuck in a daydream of complaints - focused on the worry much more than the blessings in life. Worry has me downwardly spiraled into a rut. But it's much deeper than a rut; it's wet, distressed quick sand that I've been caught up in. Wikipedia describes quick sand as a non-Newtonian fluid: when undisturbed, it often appears to be solid, but a minor (less than 1%) change in the stress on the quicksand will cause a sudden decrease in its viscosity. Okay, what?!! In other words, quick sand in it of itself appears to be fine until you disturb it. My thought life was fine until I came across a few puddles of stress (or quick sand) and continued worrying and putting stress on it until I found it hard to get out.
It's been tough for me to "snap out of it" and stop focusing on the fact that I feel so stuck. Don't get me wrong, we have good reasons! Gossip, financial problems, unsettling constant changes. I know that all I have to do is realize that by letting go of the need to be in control of it I can easily swim out, but instead I feel my heart flutter and act as though my only choice is to bogged down by the stress of life.
In reality, my trusted Wikipedia friend says that "it would be impossible for a human or animal to completely sink in the quicksand" and I find it funny because TRUTHFULLY, it's impossible for us woman to get completely sunk in our levels of worry too. Come on, you know what I’m talking about, right?? And sure, some do lose their minds. But, usually our problems are our minds playing tricks on us – we get too caught up in the problem rather than focusing on blessings and allowing grace to set us free. That's completely unnatural. The natural instinct is to freak out and push harder against the currents of life. But sometimes you just have to go with the flow and keep your head above the water - and you will make it safely to shore. What I'm trying to say is, simply, we get stuck when we focus too much on the problem, rather than swim out of the situation by placing our faith in God.
"Dear Lord, I'm sorry for focusing on what I need and the worries of today rather than trusting that you are in control and knowing that everything is for your glory anyway. Lord, help me to give you credit for your glory! Help me to see you in everything because it is YOU that is truly beautiful. Strength is not found in taking control over situations in life, and security is not found in stability. It is you that stabilizes, and you that gives strength. Thank you for being my source of salvation - and I thank you in advance for your peace."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
This morning I found out that Sean did not have to be into work until noon time, so in my excitement we planned a morning run at Indian Rocks Beach. It was an overcast morning and the weather was perfect for a jog. (Now, if only I was in shape again haha)
Well, while we were there, we passed a large fish carcass that must have been beached over night. It was rotten and well enjoyed. The fin scales were visible and most of the bones were poking through. Kind of super fascinating if you ask me!!
Later this afternoon, I decided it would be a good idea to read ahead in the Bible study book. The page that I worked on cross referenced Jonah 4:4 "But the LORD replied, "Have you any right to be angry?"" I couldn't remember what Jonah was angry about so I read the entire book again (all of 4 chapters lol). The book of Jonah intrigued me in ways that it never had in the past. The famous part was when he was swallowed by a whale, and vomited back out after his change of heart to be obedient to God. (Which, by the way, I have read stories that there are "modern" day events of surviving humans who have been swallowed by large fish and vomited up a few days later. Google it.)
Then at night, our friend decided to cook us fish and chips. (It was scrumptious)
There seemed to be a fishy theme for the day. I asked myself, "What could God be telling me?" and no sooner did I start to share my thoughts out loud, did I get a pretty good idea of what God is showing me, at this moment in my life.
Well about 2 years ago I had a dream about Jonah and then about 7 months ago we moved to Florida. While we have been here, we have had one financial struggle after another. In short, God has had different plans for us than our own. But I've been so stressed and focused on the loss of security that I've been come angry without knowing it. There it is, a root of anger, hidden inside of me and causing damage without me even being aware of it. I've only been aware of the symptoms.
The Lord is showing me that security comes from the Lord, even when there is trouble all around. Like someone mentioned at Bible study, money did not appear to be an idol to me, until the security I had from it was gone. It's amazing how God can teach us to grow near to Him. He is shaking everything that we find secure. Hubby is too busy to be home at dinner, we are on the opposite end of the east coast from where we lived, and life is completely new. But, even though things are shook up, there is one hiding place and that is of the Lord our God! Our heavenly father: the one who brings peace.
Posted by Chrissy at 5:41 PM